Toxic

By Evan Knight

Definition: Toxic people add more negative than positive to people’s lives. 

In a closed system, like work or a group of friends it’s possible toxic behavior because people are invested and they’re not going to leave easily. 

If you’re interacting with someone, you won’t see again anytime soon you need to be on your best behavior, because that person has nothing to lose by putting you in your place. The problem is they are often wrong because they don’t know you.

Labeling Toxic Behavior:

These are my personal labels for toxic behavior I have seen especially in charity organizations

Nothing’s good enough

They can’t compliment others. They always find fault with some aspect. Even if you do it almost perfectly, they will accuse you of not doing it with your hands behind your back.

Example: Guy gives money to the homeless. Toxic person points out how he didn’t do it anonymously or how he is rich to begin with. 

Giving advice as a power move  (mansplaining, or dime store wisdom) 

Some toxic people presume they are always the teacher. They have a habit of bringing other people down under the guise of teaching people a life lesson. A certain kind of person derives his/her satisfaction from the world by giving advice to others. Regardless of whether they have anything useful to share.

Shock Jocks

Sometimes people say outrageous things in bad taste just to get a rise out of people. Like praising hitler or pedophile jokes. Some toxic people have a habit of shocking people just to get their way. They could say they like Hitler and they want a cookie?. You really aren’t going to argue about the cookie.

Seagull Caretaker

Flies in, squawks loudly, shits on everything, then flies away with no consequences for themselves. They can also purposefully wait till things get really fucked up then jump in just when it will look best for saving them.

Shit talking about others

People who like to talk poorly about anyone are willing to talk poorly about you. Some people do this with their spouse to others. Why are they even married?

Drama Lovers

Winding someone up because they are good with drama and others are not

Everything OK

People lie. Some people lie and say everything is ok when it’s not and then punish you for acting like everything is ok.

No Clear Rules

Toxic people punish others for breaking their rules even though they never told people what their rules are. Likewise they offer some kind of promotion if you only do … They never spell out what that is. It’s arbitrary. No consistency / standards- literally their ideas, morals and beliefs keep changing at their convenience. This makes everything everyone else does not good enough and what they do a huge success. Based on their beliefs in that moment.

White savior

When a person of privilege does something they think is nice for someone without ever check to see if that person even wants that. 

Moving the Goal Post

Similar to “No Clear Rules” and “Never Good Enough” Toxic people will change what the goal is depending on who is winning. If someone else is in front of them they will announce that the goal post is way further. If they are in front of someone they will announce that they have reached the goal post and have won already

The Lit Fuse

Some people are very open about how they might explode at any minute. You can feel the tension. They do this because most people believe it’s just easier to let them get their way

Word Salad

Toxic people speak in metaphors and stories. They can say anything they want this way and if someone does not like what they say then they blame the listener for misinterpreting it.

Turning It Around

If anyone brings up a concern with a toxic person. The toxic person points out that the problem is with the other person, not them.

Create No-Win scenario

I’ve seen some toxic people go out of their way to create a no-win scenario for others. Just so they would look like they are doing better than that person. 

Example: purposefully put a person in a stressful situation and then get them to do the really important part right then. 

Fighting Huge Demons

Toxic people always have something huge going on (usually an exaggerated lie). So if their behavior doesn’t work for you it was in the service of fighting a bigger war. Trump is a master at this. His followers excuse his behavior because he is “fighting” against pedophiles in politics. 

DARVO

Acronym; the abuser will: Deny the abuse ever took place, then Attack the victim for attempting to hold the abuser accountable; then they will lie and claim that they, the abuser, are the real victim in the situation, thus Reversing the Victim and Offender.

Schrödinger's Douchebag 

A guy who says offensive things and decides whether he was joking based on the reaction of people around him.